Family here and abroad
Many expatriates grapple with the emotions of leaving family in their home county. Ranging from aged parents to grandchildren, there are many reasons that pull us back. Outside of the costs, it is a major reason why many people don’t make the move abroad.
On Father’s Day in Spain, my son returned to the U.S. His mom is accompanying him so I’m left in Valencia – alone. Well, with the cats anyway. It’s something that I didn’t really wrap my mind around beforehand. I thought he’d want to stay with us and see what else Europe had to offer, perhaps go to university here. But his plans and mind were already made up.
Early morning, 19 March, I went with them to the airport. It’s a trip we’ve made several times before, but this time I wasn’t going further than the security checkpoint. Due to all the electronics my son was carrying onboard, it took several attempts to clear security. Finally, they were off, disappearing through the duty-free shop on the way to the gates.
Dealing with separation from thousands of kilometers away
Upon arriving back home the abruptness of the departure hit me. They were gone and we were going to be separated by around 4800 miles (~7800 kilometers). My wife had done the trip before to visit her family, but now my son was going. The apartment suddenly seemed very empty. His bed, unmade, showed that he had been there only a few hours before.
This was a scenario that I hadn’t contemplated when we moved to Valencia. My thoughts were he would finish high school here, then go to a European university. But after graduating, he wanted to do a sabbatical year and I reluctantly agreed. After six months in he told us he wasn’t happy in Spain and wanted to go back to the U.S. We had a few things that needed to be taken care of first, but when those matters were settled, it was full speed ahead.
The flight was arranged so fast that I didn’t have time to realize that he was truly leaving. Now, rather than looking in on him, I’d now have to rely on WhatsApp, email, and phone calls to see how he is doing. His mother is helping him get settled in his new apartment. For the first time in his life, he’s going to be living alone. He wants to get a job, learn to drive, and all those things we didn’t need to do in Spain. It’s a steep learning curve for all of us.
Creating a new life away from us
My wife will stay near him for six weeks while he gets accustomed to his surroundings. Then she, too, will come face to face with her own “separation anxiety.” He does have relatives close by, which gives us some comfort. However, he’s still a day’s flight away from us – at best.
For the next six months, we’ll be running two households with all the attendant expenses. U.S. health insurance, unlike in Spain, will be a major cost. If he gets a car, that will be another giant money suck. The list goes on.
Though I haven’t been back to Texas in nearly three years, I haven’t missed it. We needed to give him his space; his freedom to explore. Already, I am thinking about when I’ll go back and visit. There’s even the thought flitting around in my mind of returning to the U.S. permanently. But I’m not certain that’ll be good for any of us. The things that made the U.S. unattractive to me – mean-spirited politics, gun violence, cost of living, lack of opportunities for growth – are still there. But now, what is there is my son and I miss him.
In the meanwhile, my rationalization is that this is a growth opportunity. He’s going to have the chance to take control of his life and make decisions for himself. So, we will both be continuing our journeys, here in Spain and abroad in the U.S.
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